Dear Beverly

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Good morning, just stopped by to say hello.

          You remembered me.

Always.

These last two days have been painful.

Sad days in knowing the truth.

I like to think about the good ones.

My life has been full of incredible things … this was one of those good days.

During the Thanksgiving weekend of 2008 my office phone rang.  It was Fran, she gave me the sad news that you had had a seizure at your friend Beverly’s home during Thanksgiving dinner.   You were rushed to the emergency room (Northridge Hospital) and would subsequently be transferred to Kaiser on Sunset Blvd, where you remained in a comatose state in their ICU.

Each morning Fran would call me before she left for the hospital and in the evening she’d call again with an update.   84 years old, but she would drive in from Newbury Park in the morning and try to get on the road home by four o’clock so that she wouldn’t have to drive home in the dark.   She loved you so much.

There was nothing new each day.  I told her that I would be in Los Angeles for an AIDS charity dinner on Monday, December 8th … we talked Sunday evening, Dec. 7th and made the arrangements for me to meet her in the hospital lobby the next morning.   She took me up to the ICU as “family.” 

Monday was the 11th day of your coma … you were in a small room on one side of the ICU, in a dressing gown with a feeding tube inserted in your mouth and oxygen tubes shoved up your nose.  You were pale; pasty.   Fran and I pulled “scrubs” on over our street clothes and went in to be with you.

I pulled up a chair on the right side of the bed, took your hand in mine and began to talk to you.  Fran pulled up a similar metal folding chair on the other side of the bed and we talked back and forth.  We would laugh and chat.  Periodically the nurses would shoe us out of the room to check on their patient.

I told you that you were loved and not alone.  I would stroke the side of your face and then from time to time I would lean over and whisper in your ear, “I love you.”   I would talk to you and then Fran and I would chat and sure enough we would be asked out of the room again for another visit from your caregivers. 

The process began shortly after ten in the morning and the two of us maintained our vigil until suddenly around one in the afternoon you opened your eyes, reached up with your hand and pulled the tubes out of your nose.

The two of us set there, first in stunned silence, then in frantic calls for the doctors.   “She’s awake!”  They came in, examined you, a new development — they chatted among themselves.  Fran and I hugged, there were tears in our eyes and smiles on our faces.

Over the next couple of hours we resumed our posts.  We continued to chat; continued to talk to talk to you.  You would open your eyes, they were glazed, and then fall back to sleep.  Awake and then asleep again.  Around three in the afternoon the doctors and nurses descend upon you and we were once again shoed out of the room.  They decided to remove the feeding tube that was down your throat to see if you could breathe better and perhaps take liquids on your own.

At four in the afternoon I kissed you on the cheek, said I was leaving with your mom and then squeezed your hand.  You SQUEEZED back!!!  

You were going to be OK.  The drive home that day for Fran was different than all of the others … the burden was lifted, it was a December day to celebrate. 

In the days that followed you made great progress.   You were transferred to a care facility in Orange, California to regain your strength.  I drove up to the CES in Las Vegas for the annual invitation-only DEG event on Monday January 5, 2009 and stopped by the facility on the way up.   I met Fran and we went down to your room.  You were awake, alert and the smile that came on your face was so beautiful. 

We kissed and hugged … you bitched and moaned about the food.   “I want to go for a walk.”  I helped you up, you were so incredibly weak, and we hobbled down the hall to the front of the facility and back.  We went outside and sat in the morning sun on the patio area just outside your room and talked.   Fran left to go across the street (supermarket, shops, etc.) and during her absence your daughter and her boyfriend showed up.   You introduced her to me.   Shortly Fran returned and for a brief moment there were the three of you — mother, daughter and granddaughter, together.

The next day I stopped backed by on my return trip from Las Vegas … I brought you two gifts to celebrate.  One was a stack of puzzle books (Sudoku, crossword puzzles, etc.) to exercise your mind.   The second was a Toby Keith jacket to keep you warm.  Funny, but I don’t think you gave the puzzle books a second thought.  This too was a good day.  It was also the day that they let you go home.   Home, to the safety of your mother’s home in Newbury Park.

I wonder whatever happened to that Toby Keith jacket?   In storage?   Goodwill?  

It is moments such as these that I will celebrate and remember.   Monday, December 8, 2008.   You squeezed my hand.

Got a tune for you today ... yup, your boy Toby.

           Smile.  Thanks Doll.

http://youtu.be/HxUuDPNbkJk 

We talk about your work how your boss is a jerk
We talk about your church and your head when it hurts
We talk about the troubles you've been having with your brother
About your daddy and your mother and your crazy ex-lover
We talk about your friends and the places that you've been
We talk about your skin and the dimples on your chin
The polish on your toes and the run in your hose
And God knows we're gonna talk about your clothes
You know talking about you makes me smile
But every once in awhile

I wanna talk about me
Wanna talk about I
Wanna talk about number one
Oh my me my
What I think, what I like, what I know, what I want, what I see
I like talking about you, usually, but occassionally
I wanna talk about me
I wanna talk about me

We talk about your dreams and we talk about your schemes
your high school team and your moisturizer creme
We talk about your nanna up in Muncie, Indiana
We talk about your grandma down in Alabama
We talk about your guys of every shape and size
The ones that you despise and the ones you idolize
We talk about your heart, about your brains and your smarts
And your medical charts and where you start
You know talking about you makes me grin
But every now and then

I wanna talk about me
Wanna talk about I
Wanna talk about number one
Oh my me my
What I think, what I like, what I know, what I want, what I see
I like talking about you, usually, but occassionally
I wanna talk about me
I wanna talk about me

You you you you you you you you youyouyouyouyou
I wanna talk about me

I wanna talk about me
Wanna talk about I
Wanna talk about number one
Oh my me my
What I think, what I like, what I know, what I want, what I see
I like talking about you, usually, but occassionally
I wanna talk about me
I wanna talk about me 

Dear Beverly

Stopped by to say hello.

           Smile.   You remembered me.

Always.

The truth arrived in yesterday's mail.
The truth can be so sad.

Have a tune for you today ... enjoy

Creedence Clearwater Revival:  Have You Ever Seen The Rain?

Someone told me long ago there's a calm before the storm I know,

it's been comin' for some time

When it's over, so they say, it'll rain a sunny day

I know, shinin' down like water

I wanna know, have you ever seen the rain?

I wanna know, have you ever seen the rain

Comin' down on a sunny day?

Yesterday and days before, sun is cold and rain is hard

I know, been that way for all my time

'Til forever, on it goes through the circle, fast and slow

I know, it can't stop, I wonder

I wanna know, have you ever seen the rain?

I wanna know, have you ever seen the rain

Comin' down on a sunny day?

Yeah, I wanna know, have you ever seen the rain?

I wanna know, have you ever seen the rain

Comin' down on a sunny day?

Dear Beverly

You’ve been on my mind
and in my heart so much lately.  

Just wanted to let you know that.

           Mi Amor.   That’s sweet, you remembered me.

Always.

Apprehensive about what might be coming today.

Truth.  The TRUTH, writ large. 

Not sure if I want to know the truth.

Nat King Cole: For All We Know

Have a tune for you today … sad and sweet.

For all we know we may never meet again

Before you go make this moment sweet again

We won't say goodnight until the last minute

I'll hold out my hand and my heart will be in it

For all we know this may only be a dream

We come and go like a ripple on a stream

So love me tonight tomorrow was made for some

Tomorrow may never come for all we know

For all we know this may only be a dream

We come and go like a ripple on a stream

So love me tonight tomorrow was made for some

Tomorrow may never come for all we know

Dear Beverly

Just stopped by to say hello and good morning.

            Thanks Doll, you remembered me.

Always.

Re-wrote the last two lines.
My friend says that women in abusive relationships go back eight times on average.
So sad to think such things.   Once would be one too many.

I finally understood your sudden departure in July of 2009 for five or six weeks.   You went to comfort him when his mother died and how did he repay your kindness?

Have a tune for you today ... enjoy.

When you're down and troubled and you need a helping hand
and nothing, whoa, nothing is going right.
Close your eyes and think of me and soon I will be there to brighten up even your darkest nights.

You just call out my name, and you know where ever I am
I'll come running to see you again.
Winter, spring, summer, or fall, all you have to do is call and I'll be there, yeah, yeah,
you've got a friend.

If the sky above you should turn dark and full of clouds
and that old north wind should begin to blow,
keep your head together and call my name out loud.
Soon I will be knocking upon your door.
You just call out my name, and you know where ever I am
I'll come running to see you again.
Winter, spring, summer, or fall, all you have to do is call and I'll be there.

Hey, ain't it good to know that you've got a friend? People can be so cold.
They'll hurt you and desert you. Well, they'll take your soul if you let them,
oh yeah, but don't you let them.

You just call out my name, and you know where ever I am
I'll come running to see you again.
Winter, spring, summer, or fall, all you have to do is call, Lord, I'll be there, yeah, yeah,
you've got a friend. You've got a friend.
Ain't it good to know you've got a friend. Ain't it good to know you've got a friend.
Oh, yeah, yeah, you've got a friend.

Dear Beverly

Hello, you've been on my mind and in my heart.

             Oh Doll, you remembered me.

Always.

There's just so much anger in me still over the way you were treated.
I know, I know, I have to move past it, but the "why" of all of it continues to elude me.

Why was your Facebook page forcibly taken down with only this comment from you to go on?

"Yeh, (name removed) took me off facebook because (name removed) had a shitfit because Nellie Linda's sister e-mailed me and it's a long story, some other time."

Should have asked.   Who is Nellie?   Who is Linda?   I don't recognize the names. 

Why was your laptop taken from you?  Why was your email account deleted?
Why were you systematically cutoff from the world?  What was the point?
I don't get it and that makes me so incredibly angry.  I should have done more.

Like you would say "oh wells" ...
Questions without answers ... oh wells.

Have a tune for you today ... a nice one from one of your favorite boys.  Enjoy.

http://youtu.be/3umaLe37-LE

I was always the crazy one
I broke into the stadium
And I wrote your number on the 50 yard line
You were always the perfect one
And the valadictorian so
Under your number I wrote "call for a good time"

I only wanted to catch your attention
But you overlooked me somehow
Besides you had too many boyfriends to mention
And I played my guitar too loud.

How do you like me now?
How do you like me now,
Now that I'm on my way?
Do you still think I'm crazy
Standin' here today?
I couldn't make you love me
But I always dreamed about living in your radio
How do you like me now?

When I took off to Tennessee
I heard that you made fun of me
Never imagined I'd make it this far
Then you married into money girl
Ain't it a cruel and funny world?
He took your dreams and tore them apart.

He never comes home
And you're always alone
And your kids hear you cryin down the hall
Alarm clock starts ringin'
Who could that be singin'
Its me baby, with your wake up call!

How do you like me now?
How do you like me now,
Now that I'm on my way?
Do you still think I'm crazy
Standin' here today?
I couldn't make you love me
But I always dreamed about living in your radio
How do you like me now?

Tell me baby...
I will preach on...

Dear Beverly

Dropped in to say hello.

            Smile.  You remembered me.

Always.

There's been a lot on my mind of late. 

Got a tune for you today ... Something light ... enjoy.

I know just how to whisper
And I know just how to cry
I know just where to find the answers
And I know just how to lie
I know just how to fake it
And I know just how to scheme
I know just when to face the truth
And then I know just when to dream

And I know just where to touch you
And I know just what to prove
I know when to pull you closer
And I know when to let you loose
And I know the night is fading
And I know the time's gonna fly
And I'm never gonna tell you
Everything I gotta tell you
But I know I gotta give it a try

And I know the roads to riches
And I know the ways to fame
I know all the rules
And I know how to break 'em
And I always know the name of the game

But I don't know how to leave you
And I'll never let you fall
And I don't know how you do it
Making love out of nothing at all

Making love, Out of nothing at all
Making love, Out of nothing at all
Making love, Out of nothing at all
Making love, Out of nothing at all
Making love, Out of nothing at all
Making love, Out of nothing at all

Every time I see you all the rays of the sun
Are streaming through the waves in your hair
And every star in the sky is taking aim at your eyes
Like a spotlight

The beating of my heart is a drum and it's lost
And it's looking for a rhythm like you
You can take the darkness from the pit of the night
And turn into a beacon burning endlessly bright

I've gotta follow it 'cause everything I know
Well it's nothing till I give it to you

I can make the runner stumble
I can make the final block
And I can make every tackle at the sound of the whistle
I can make all the stadiums rock
I can make tonight forever
Or I can make it disappear by the dawn
I can make you every promise that has ever been made
I can make all your demons be gone

But I'm never gonna make it without you
Do you really want to see me crawl
And I'm never gonna make it like you do
Making love out of nothing at all

Making love, Out of nothing at all
Making love, Out of nothing at all
Making love, Out of nothing at all
Making love, Out of nothing at all
Making love, Out of nothing at all
Making love, Out of nothing at all
Making love, Out of nothing at all
Making love, Out of nothing at all
Making love, Out of nothing at all
Making love, Out of nothing at all

Dear Beverly

Just stopped in to say hello.

            Mi Amor.  You remembered me.

Always.

Got the opening to a new poem about ripples in a pond and how events in life are set in motion by things sometimes beyond our control.  

It goes like this.

A soldier dies.

A widow grieves

And seeks a new beginning.

I can’t seem to get to the next stanza. 

You see, if the soldier lives, I don’t exist.

The ripples on that pond never happened.

The soldier was my grandfather, who died in Abbeville, France five days before the end of World War I.  

The widow who grieves is my grandmother who leaves Scotland as a result of his death and comes first to Canada and then to the United States.  His death sets that in motion.

If he lives, she stays and all that followed is swept away.  I don’t exist and all that I’ve done and everything that flowed out from that is gone.  We never met and all that flowed out from that doesn’t happen either. 

The next stanza as I wrote it is …

A sniper chooses.

One goes home, while

An island grave is the other’s ending.

But it doesn’t really fit.  At least that is my feeling.

Will work on the puzzle.

Got a tune for you today … enjoy.

Gerry Rafferty: Get It Right Next Time

Out on the street I was talkin’ to a man

He said "there’s so much of this life of mine that I don’t understand"

You shouldn’t worry yes that ain’t no crime

Cause if you get it wrong you’ll get it right next time (next time).

You need direction, yeah you need a name

When you’re standing in the crossroads every highway looks the same

After a while you can recognize the signs

So if you get it wrong you’ll get it right next time (next time).

Life is a liar yeah life is a cheat

It’ll lead you on and pull the ground from underneath your feet

No use complainin’, don’t you worry, don’t you whine

Cause if you get it wrong you’ll get it right next time (next time).

You gotta grow, you gotta learn by your mistakes

You gotta die a little everyday just to try to stay awake

When you believe there’s no mountain you can climb

And if you get it wrong you’ll get it right next time (next time).

Next time, hmmmmm